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"Sorry"

"I'm confused"

"Why you lying?" I mean you no illusions "

" Do not be sad "

" Seriously, I'm sorry "

... Review

every sentence in my head and try to find out which of these is the stupidest.

Immaturity.

Cowardice.

Nothing I do or say now will change the decision that he has taken.

Nothing I do or say at the moment, the wheel will turn again and this time, give me a good result.

I wanted to mourn.

I wanted to scream.

But in the end, I deleted all that pain and let you put a fake smile on my lips, showing it did not matter. That was the decision that it was taking, maybe it was the best.

Because I did not mind having to smile falsely, and offer a friendship that I am not willing to care. Why? Why listen when I talk about her next romance? Supports when he confesses he has found the woman in your life?

I'm not ready to be your confidant or to cry.

I'm not willing to sacrifice for him again when it is clear that he did not intend to do it.

Now only resignation.

Now, there are only wanting to raise their heads with pride and not dropped again.

This time it was a sickness, the next time it may be faint.

"The third? Perhaps death.

...

Roulette stopped turning ... and I fell on him.

...

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A final Tear Value Bet

Value: is, according to the Dictionary of the English Academy, the quality is something worthy of esteem or appreciation.

makes no sense.

I tried to make sense of each word. Interpret each sentence. Understand what it really means that definition.

But I can not.

It is impossible to determine if that value is what I really need.

To me, courage is courage, cunning, serenity. You look ahead and face whatever comes, being totally honest and clear-headed. It is having a clear goal you want lgorarse. You know yourself and know if the step is about to give is correct or not.

Value is ... for me ...

Confession.

Roulette seems to stop.

Now the question is ...

I want to stop?

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I've put everything and now I can only wait for the wheel to stop spinning and tell me whether I won or lost, again.

If Gano, I'll be the happiest person in the world. I can assume, for the first time in my life ... I've won something. One of my dreams has been fulfilled. My illusions have been so stupid and unrealistic as I thought many times.

Because I feel it is killing me inside and I need to express it.

If I lose, it will fall more. The bubble I've been building will be broken and even take long to find soap, I will not fall. Do not let my heart stop and squeezed again ...

Because I'm not willing to give in life.

...

roulette is spinning and my patience exhausted.

...

time. Patience. Tolerance.

...

Roulette, please ... stop.

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was fulfilled. Rarely

I ignore these signals, but this time ... something tells me I'm doing OK. After all , someone is watching over me and not let my heart trampled again. This time ... he will use his position and not to let my cheeks are wet again by the bitter tears.

Hopefully this time, there are simple illusions. Maybe this time ... everything can be a reality and my dreams fulfilled.

I smile.

I laugh.

I mourn.

I enjoy. Beside him

.

with him.

for him.

not a mere dream.

is all I ask.

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pain signal

When you save a feeling for a long time, it hurts.

And it hurts a lot.

hurts him smile and know that this smile is not by or for you.

hurts him with someone else and notice those hugs, praise and affections are not for you.

hurts him.

hurts to know so close ... yet so far.

hurts to know that love does not always know of roses and never mind that everyone should try to paint it well, because you do not feel happy.

hurts to see him happy. Some people say: Be happy because your loved one is happy . Nonsense. How could I be happy if not him? I do not understand how hard it must have to accept this axiom.

But above all things ... unrequited love hurts.

I tried

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to bury.

I really struggled.

forgetful I wanted to play and delete all traces of it remained in my memory. Imagine for a moment that never met him and his presence had been fleeting and invisible.

But do not think I worked hard enough.

Because the fact to remember his name, everything that ever felt back cn harder, turning with bitterness that in a moment meant everything to me, what gave me the strength to stand up after so many trips.

I wanted ...

Do you want? Perhaps

never know and for now, just be a blur in my memories, tormenting me an almost bestial, trying to convince a reality that I no longer live.

lie.

every time I lie and say I remember ever felt something.

lie because if I tell the truth, I'd be lying anyway.

lie because I have to feel afraid that I felt for him.

Because there are now someone else has the same essence and presence. Someone made me smile without trying and I owe the new sighs betray me every day trying to face the world.

anyone more pitiful trying to obscure the memory that has left the past.

But the saddest thing of all ...

is trying to tarnish the memory ...

... to make one more painful.

And this time, think not being able to forget so easily.

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